How To Build A Lousy Website That No One Will Visit
We've all seen them. We've all cringed at them. Those awful, horrible, lousy, grotesque websites with horrible color schemes, miserable navigation systems, and hard to read content...You know what kind of website I'm talking about. The kind of website that, having visited it once, you consider that you've visited it one time too many, and hope never to see it again.
The embarrassing thing is that, if you've built any websites at all, you've probably built a website that other people have felt exactly the same way about. After years of building websites, and studying websites built by others, I decided it was time to create this site, with suggestions on how to create websites that no one will want to visit more than once.
So get ready to begin. Once you leave this page there is no guarantee that you'll be able to successfully navigate the site because, after all, this is the epitome of the website that no one wants to visit.
In case you get lost in this hideous site, you can always use the "back" button (or click the page title at the top of the page) to return to this page, and then use the links below to get to the next piece of advice.
Step 1: Pick An Ugly Color Scheme
Nothing will make people leave your website faster than a hideous color scheme!Step 2: Make Each Page Layout Completely Different
This keeps your visitors guessing. They'll never know what's going to hit them next...Step 3: Use A Background Image With Lots Of Contrast
A background image with lots of colors and contrast keeps people from reading the text!Step 4: Put All Your Content Below The Fold
If your visitors can't find the main text of your page, they won't stick around very long!Step 5: Use Hard-To-Read Internet Slang and Leet Speak
Internet slang is cool...if you want to keep people away from your site!Step 6: Use All Caps And Weird Fonts
A surefire killer for any website - make sure your text is downright impossible to read!Step 7: Ruining Your Website With Image Files
Especially useful tactic for keeping dial-up internet users away!Step 8: Never ever spell anything correctly
This is a good technique to make sure no one takes you - or your website - seriously!Note: I'll be adding more to this site from time to time; if you can think of an amusing/useful tip you think should be added, please send me an email!